ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
