Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize