Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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