Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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