"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
