My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
