I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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