we have pet lesbian snakes
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
