I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
