I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize