Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This toilet bowl is my home.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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