i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
