I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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