ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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