just come out here and I will go home with you...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
