He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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