$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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