God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
