Whod you bang
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
