I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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