did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
