Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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