At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
