I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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