Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have feelings that need drinking.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
