a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
