In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
