all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
