I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
