Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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