my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
