hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
