i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
