; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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