you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
