when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
