I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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