just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
