Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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