Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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