Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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