he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
