Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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