Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
