if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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