Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
