If i come over, it means nothing
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
