Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did i walk over a car last night?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
