the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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