dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
