Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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