sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
vagina is talking i cant
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
