ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
