Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
