If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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