I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
