I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
