I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Small penises have feelings too.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
