You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I die, sorry about rent.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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