im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
