Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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