glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
