ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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