Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
